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”“Jenny, Sally phoned me this morning and told me that you were desperate for a keyboard player and could I help. Why couldn’t you have asked me?”“Oh god I’m sorry Kate. Sally shouldn’t have done that. I told them I couldn’t ask you and she should have left it at that.” Jenny could see the hurt she had been trying to avoid in Kate’s eyes.“Why not. Am I not good enough for your band, I know I wear glasses and I’m not as pretty as the other girls. B ... b ... but I w ... would h ... h ... have l ... liked you to a ... ask me.” Kate began crying again.Jenny quickly got up and rushed around the table to hug her crying lover, they were both oblivious to the stares of the other diners.“Darling you’ve got it so wrong. I was desperately afraid that either last night or this morning if I had said ‘Kate I just realised I love you, oh and are you free to replace our keyboard player because we’re stuck.’ you would think that was the only reason I had come around. I’m sorry love I never meant to. I turned round to face the pig. Butas I did so, me entire world seemed to rock on its axis. My brain feltlike it was frying. Memories colliding. I was a schoolboy at my privateschool one moment. A schoolgirl being fingered round the back of thebike sheds the next. A powerful memory of losing my virginity as a malestudent, coming inside a woman for the first time, was replaced withthe even more powerful memory of pushing a baby out through my vagina.Through tears, I said, "You fuckin' wanker! I love you!" as the awfulrealisation that Charmaine, I, was in love with William hit me like afreight train."Yes! Yes! You are!" he cried in triumph and the look of cold, anger inhis eyes made me really afraid. I was losing him, the love of my life.I soo wanted him, wanted us to be together, as man and wife, as afamily. Wave after wave of memories and feelings crashed through mybrain. I was losing my former self to become a girl, a woman, abarmaid, a wife, a mother."I, I, can't remember," I.
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